Wednesday, March 7, 2012
How God Used 7 Cows To Speak To Me
OK, you're probably wondering how in the world can God use a cow to speak to someone, much less 7 of them, but I swear to you, it happened just this morning. I have been struggling with my weight as long as I can remember but right now I'm at the heaviest (and unhealthiest) I've ever been in my life. At age 42, I realize that I don't have a lot of years left to get this under control so it's now or never. God has been speaking to me about my food addiction and how it's destroying me. I have used food as a crutch to comfort me and it's a habit I need to conquer. I have used every excuse there is to avoid exercising but the biggest one is the fact that I have a weak leg. Because of this I tend to fall down a lot and I have been afraid to fall, especially with no one else around, because I don't know how I'll get back up again and I'll inevitably be embarrassed. I decided last night to stop hiding and take some action to get this extra weight off of me. My daughter and I planned to go for a walk in our neighborhood early in the morning before breakfast. This is something I have wanted to do for awhile but was afraid to venture out for fear of the neighbors watching me, or falling on the road with no one but my daughter to help me....a thousand excuses, all of them seemed completely logical and understandable, but they were still excuses. As I attended our ladies' Bible study last night, I felt the Lord tugging on my heart, showing me that this was the main area of my life that I had not yet surrendered to Him, which was why it was so difficult for me to handle. I was never meant to deal with this, or any other problem, on my own. I don't need to put myself through that for any reason. He will always walk through any situation with me, He will never leave my side. As I prayed last night, I gave my complete submission to the Lord, acknowledging that I haven't been following Him the way I had always thought I was. I have been holding back from pursuing Him the way I used to back when I was first saved over 20 years ago. I have felt unworthy and, to be completely honest, angry and resentful for the situations He has allowed in my life. I realize now what my "secret sin" is and I am finally ready to offer it to Him as a sacrifice. So, where do the 7 cows fit into this story? When I finished my prayer last night, I asked God to give me "a bit of fleece" to show me that He was really listening to me and that I was heading in the right direction. Everyone who knows me well knows that I am obsessed with cows. I don't know what it is about them, they just fascinate me and I find them completely adorable. A little bit up the road from my house is a cow pasture. Sometimes the cows are out, sometimes not. I asked God to help me stay motivated in my walk this morning (both physically & spiritually) by allowing me to catch a glimpse of just one cow. It would be like a secret message from Him to me to let me know that He loved me and approved of the changes I am trying to make. This morning, as my daughter and I went on our walk, I noticed the birds singing, the coolness of the air on my face, and the quietness of the neighborhood at rest. I felt so at peace, feeling the Lord's presence as we walked down the road, and I told God it didn't even matter if there weren't any cows out, I knew He was with me and always would be. As we neared the end of the road, we walked to the pasture and there were 7 cows. There are not enough words to express what I felt in that moment and I know I will remember it for the rest of my life. It will always be a reminder to me that my Lord is a God of abundant love and mercy. He offers us much more than what we ask for and He always gives us exactly what we need exactly when we need it. I know that He will willingly walk with me through every situation in my life. He wants me. He pursues me. But He also desires to be pursued. He wants all of me, nothing held back, even the ugly, sinful parts of me, the broken pieces of my spirit, and He wants to recreate me into something beautiful to be used for His glory. I don't know what He has planned but I'm ready and willing to do whatever it is He asks of me. And the next time I see a cow or an image of a cow, I will always remember the new covenant He made with me this morning.